by Cougar Mama

Boyfriends

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Wet Poodle

by Baby Cougar

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. I can be a bit of an air head at times… Coupled with my lack of patience for, well, just about anything it’s no wonder why some of the things that happen to me, do.

With all the hype about organic and mineral beauty products I figured I’d hop on the wagon and see what its all about. Also curious about alternative ways to beautify, I headed to the library to source out some books on the subject.

I was overwhelmed with the amount of books dedicated to natural beauty products or how-to’s on making your own beauty products at home. So without reading any titles, I grabbed a bunch of books and headed home.

I have very curly hair. Curly hair tends to be very dry naturally so I’m always looking for ways keep it moisturized and shiny. I flipped to a page in one of the books I brought home that recommended microwaving a bowl of vaseline, pouring the melted vaseline all over the hair and scalp and leaving it to sit for about 30 minutes before washing it out.


Vaseline? Seems a bit extreme but sure, whatever let’s do it. Guess what?! Turns out vaseline doesn’t wash out of the hair. Not for about a WEEK anyway.

“Where is this stupid book that told you to do this?” my roommate says. I hand it to her. 20 seconds after handling the book she rolls her eyes and throws the book down on my bed and says while walking away in disgust, “Did you happen to read the title of the book?”….

I say yes, but the truth is, I didn’t. I turn over the book to do just that… Natural Beauty Tips For African American Women. Had I taken the time to read the title I could have saved myself having to take a week off work and the humiliation of looking like a wet poodle. A very stupid, wet poodle.

I’m going back to chemicals and salons.

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Cougar on the Hunt

April 4, 2012

Being unemployed really sucked. I got fired because I spent the night with some gorgeous little blonde that the boss’s daughter had her eye on. She didn’t have a chance. Sure, he was a lot younger than me,about her age, but he knew quality when he saw it. But what happened next seemed like fate, […]

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Constable Sexyness

April 3, 2012

St.Patty’s day really is a lucky day. I have to admit, I was a little bitter about this past Saint Patricks Day due to the fart that fucked my relationship with the Irish dude…but…my luck was about to turn around later that night… So naturally, I got totally butt fuck wasted on St. Patty’s day. […]

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Soulmates United at Last

April 1, 2012

Soulmates united at last. My roommate has just returned from a weekend in Seattle with one of her other girlfriends. First thing that came out of her mouth while putting down her bags was, “I met my soulmate”. Now given our letters to the universe about exactly who we were looking for, I wasnt expecting […]

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Mr. Fart

March 5, 2012

I accidently farted in front of a guy I’ve been seeing on and off for a couple of months. We were lounging on the couch, after a huge meal, watching Saturday Night Live, when I burst out in laughter to something silly going on in the show… Without warning, without even a polite knock at […]

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Mr. Wonderful

February 14, 2012

In the book, “the secret” it says that if you wish to materialize your dreams into reality, you must be as specific as possible. You must KNOW EXACTLY what you want..otherwise the universe will only mirror you’re indecisiveness and give you just that…so my roommate and myself sat down and wrote out precisely what we’re […]

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200 MPH Challenge

February 4, 2012

This COUGAR needs your help! Please vote for Heather Smith / heatherinbc.com Check out the new video. Watching it gets my adrenalin going 200 MPH – lol. I WANT to be there and need you to vote and tell your friends about this exciting contest from my friends at Revenue Wire.

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Going to Hell in a Hand Basket

January 30, 2012

Going to Hell in a Hand Basket. My mother called me a man eater. My best friend called me a man eater. And every last boyfriend I’ve had, has called me a man eater. I used to roll my eyes when I was insulted as such and reply with, “Well I CAN’T be a man […]

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Prank’d

December 21, 2011

My mother sent me to bible camp every summer as a kid until I was kicked out for asking why gays and lesbians weren’t accepted in the church during morning chapel. I was about 11 years old. The camp counsellors called my mother to inform her that I was gay and they were shipping me […]

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